It's been a few weeks sense I've written, well not really because I have deleted everything I've written sense then. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I know my last text had a very different tone then what you usually here from me but my life has had it's share of hurts and heartaches like anyone else. I've had difficulty deciding what to share and what not to share.
My blog is all about my life and the people who have touched it but some of those people came during darker times and some of them touched my life in different ways.
I guess the next chapter would take place in high school. After my eighth grade year, I was a little lost when I got to University High. I wasn't really sure where I belonged or what group I would fit into. I still carried the hurt from some of the girls in my class so I separated myself from them as much as possible. There were a few girls in my freshman class (Karen and Sally) who were really nice to me but I felt like I didn't fit in much at all. I guess I didn't trust their kindness toward me so I sought out friendship from the guys and became just one of the boys. My best friend was a boy by the name of Gary. He was closer then a brother to me. I could have spent every day with him and not be bored. I loved him very much but it wasn't a romantic kind of love. We would talk about dating once-in-awhile but it was too big a risk to take. At our age, there are break ups and heart's broken. We never wanted to lose our relationship or take the chance of breaking each others heart. But unfortunately, neither one of our future mates would understand our bond and we quit all communication between each other out of love and respect of our spouses feelings. It was very sad and I missed him very much. He died a few years ago and I never got to tell him goodbye. I just pray I will see him again someday.
My junior year I met Sue, (who was nicknamed Sam) in bookkeeping class. We became lifelong friends. She lives in Florida now and I had the pleasure of taking my grandgirlies and my son down to see her last year. She was from the children's home in town and sort of became a member of our family. We had our first children within months of each other and would always have each other's back, no matter what.
One night Sue and I went over to the college to hang out at the snack bar. There was usually a dance upstairs on Saturday night and most of the high school kids in town would go there. There was no drinking there so we were not carded, it was easy to get in. This particular Saturday, she was dancing and I was sitting on a couch in the lobby listening to the music. A very tall, handsome young man came and sat beside me. He was a Senior at my rival high school. He spent the entire evening talking to me. When it was time to go home, he jumped on his motorcycle and followed me home so he could make sure I got there safely. We began to date after that and he became my first love. He always treated me with such kindness and respect. He was well over six feet tall and towered above me so I always felt very protected. I was finally getting to a place where I could trust someone and their feelings for me. He took me to the Prom and then my senior year he joined the Marines. We wrote non-stop and I could hardly wait for him to get home from boot camp. However, when he came home he was a little different and it crushed me. I guess it was all that Marine training, but he had this huge chip on his shoulder and dared anyone to knock it off. Several people advised me that it would wear off and it did. By his next leave, which was the February before graduation, he was his old sweet self.
It was our plan that as soon as graduation was over, I would fly to California and we would be married. This was not God'd plan for us and He intervened. Although this was very difficult for us at the time, I know God does what's best for me. It's been a difficult lesson to learn and it has taken decades.
The next ten to fifteen years are those that I wish I could go back and change. My wrong decisions, bad choices and low self-esteem would set me up for physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. But, through it all, God would never let go of my hand, even though I had let go of His.
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