God Fills A Broken Heart

It grieved my heart so every time I passed my little girls room.  I soon learned to shut the door and act as if that room didn't exist.  I prayed God would help me get over this hole in my heart and fill it with something else, and of course He did just that.

I was still working second shift at Ozark so my mornings were free.  It was on such a morning that one of Glen's nieces called.  Her name was Cindy also and she was a neonatal nurse in northern Indiana where Glen's family is from.  She said that my stepson's new little baby had been brought in last night and was in the neonatal unit.  She was taking care of him.  Cindy said that Glen's son and daughter-in-law might need help in caring for the baby and was there anything we could do.  So we immediately flew Glen's son, Ed and his wife and baby down to Florida to live with us for awhile.  Glen got a job for his son where he was working and everything just fell into place.  They moved into the girls bedroom and we put Rusty's crib out in the family room.  They began attending church with us where Rusty would soon be dedicated. 

What a blessing Rusty was.  Every night when I got home from work, around eleven, he was ready to be fed.  I enjoyed that time with him so much.  He was such a good baby. 

Glen was so blessed to have this opportunity to spend this much time with his grandson.  When he was home, he was with Rusty.  Rusty was either on his lap or in the pool with him.  It was a special time.

It was during their stay with us that we lost the Challenger space shuttle and crew.  I think everyone remembers what they were doing that day but people in Florida, even more so because we watched it unfold before our very eyes and not on a TV screen.  When a shuttle went up, back then, time stopped and everyone went outside and looked to the skies.  By this time, we had witnessed many shuttle launches but for Ed and Samantha, my daughter-in-law, it was her first.  Matt was home sick that day and was watching from the couch.  Glen and Eddie were at work and had stopped to watch. Samantha and I were outside our home in the street and when I saw the two trails in the sky, I knew something had gone very wrong.  We hurried back in to hear the worst from Matt.  I will never forget that day.

Ed and Samantha would move into their own place eventually but we had Rusty often, sometimes for days at a time.  Samantha was getting homesick though so Ed sent her and Rusty home to Indiana for a visit.  She decided she didn't want to come back to Florida so naturally Ed went back to Indiana as well.  They would have two more sons and now Ed and Samantha our grandparents.  You know what that makes us don't you?  Great grandparents!!!!!  Maybe the Lord will allow us to be great, great grandparents, who knows.  But I do know this, we will love them all. 

Two Little Girls

After a few years of living in Florida, we had to find a new place to rent.  There was a sweet little community near by and the Lord led us to a nice four bedroom home there.  The boys especially enjoyed it because there was a golf course near by and they loved collecting golf balls and then selling them to our friends.  Glen use to play golf when we lived in Eureka, IL.   When he would get off work on Friday morning, we would rent a cart and I would chauffeur him around the course while he played.  It was great fun and I loved taking the hills at break-neck speeds.  So living by a golf course was a thrill for him too. That home also had a beautiful pool and hot tub and a really nice screened in porch.  It seemed our home was always full of people and we loved it that way.
We had been in our new little church a couple of years and the boys were attending the Christian School.  All was going really well and we felt so blessed that we wanted to share it in some way.  We decided to check into fostering and possibly adopting some hard-to-place children.  We began attending classes and eventually we were introduced to two little girls, ages 5 and 7.  They had been left in the back of a pick-up truck with a topper along with their dog for several days at a rest park in Florida.  A trucker had pulled in to spend the night and noticed them in the back of the truck.  Thinking the parents were probably in the restroom, he didn't think much of it but when the truck was still there in the morning and their were still no adults around, he decided to wait and watch.   No one ever came. He bought the girls something to eat and called 911. Then he waited there with them till the police came. I wonder if this trucker could have been a guardian angel.  It terrifies me to think of all the things that could have happened to them there all alone.  The State took them away from their mother and they were put in the foster care program.  When they came to us they had been in several homes already.  It was our hope to adopt these little girls so they would never have to move again.
We were assigned a case worker and a adoption mentor. Or mentor's name was Peggy and she was my go-to person for just about everything.  Peggy and her husband had one son of their own and then five children that were adopted.  Four were from one family.
I don't know if our boys really embraced this idea of adding to the family all that much.  When I look back, maybe we should have let them weigh-in more on this decision.  The oldest little girl and Clay were the same age and they seemed to be pretty good friends.   Everyone wanted to know if they were twins.
I don't think this was the best decision for Matt.  He just never seemed OK with it.  The youngest little girl was a real handful and we all were really having a hard time with it.  Negative attention was all she seemed to really know and as much as we tried to show the positive, it just didn't seem to sink in.  She disliked me a lot. This was understandable considering what her mother did.  We knew it would take time but would our family be able to survive it.
We had so many people telling us what to do and how to handle it all.  Our Pastor would show us what God's Word said, our case worker would tell us how the State of Florida would want it handled, and then I would try and pull from Peggy's experience.  One thing for sure, we weren't handling it well.
I will never forget this one experience.  She had been stealing kids lunches on the bus and then eating them right in front of them.  Children who have been really, really hungry and didn't know where their next meal would come from, have a tendency to grab food when and where they can, even if they already have some of their own.  We couldn't seem to break her of this habit so I called Peggy.  She told me to fix her favorite meal that night and then not let her have any of it, but she would need to sit and watch us eat it.  "Always make the punishment fit the crime.  It's what they understand."  So that's what we did.  I will never forget the look on her face when I told her she couldn't have any Spaghetti.  When she asked why, I told her because she stole that little boys lunch and ate it in front of him.  You need to see how that feels.  I hated doing it. It broke my heart but it worked.  She never took anything again that belonged to someone else.  School was a real challenge for her.  Negative attention does not play out well there.  Her teachers were at a loss, finally resulting in making her sit under her desk.  I was having none of that so we took them out of the public school and sent them to our little Christian School.  Not having to share the attention with twenty other students seemed to help some what.
After 18 months, Glen and I went to our case worker and told her this was not going to work out.  We would love to adopt the older child but this little one was tearing our family apart.  She asked if we would stick it out another six months and then if we wanted to adopt her sister, they would split them up.  So we did, always hoping for a break through of some sort.  We would never have made it without Peggy and Mike.  The longer we had the girls the more violent and destructive the little one became.  So after two years we gave up.  I had shared with Peggy how much I had grown to love them but we just couldn't live like this any longer. Then our case worker gave us the news that they would not split them after all.  So miracle of all miracles, Peggy and Mike adopted them.  It was bittersweet for us.  Elated that they were going to be with a great family that we knew but so very sad to see them go. We would not only be saying goodbye to the girls but to Peggy and Mike and their family.  We would no longer be able to be in touch.
I will always treasure the opportunity we had to show love to these little girls.  We introduced them to church and to Jesus.  We took them on their first airplane.  We taught them how to swim and probably gave them their first real birthday party.  I don't know if they remember us and if they do, if they're good memories.  But I will forever remember them and will love them forever.  

Tear That Fence Down

I have mentioned many times how I grazed just over the wrong side of the fence as a teen and then in my early twenties I tried to straddle it as best I could.  Mostly on the right side but clearly not making the Lord a priority in my life.  That is about to change.
Shortly after our move to Florida, we began the search for a church. We found one we liked pretty much and they had a great youth program so we began attending there regularly.
My sister and her new husband who were living in PA., where Christian school teachers and they heard of a school in our area that was looking for teachers.  She asked if we wouldn't mind visiting the church and letting them know what we thought.  So that Saturday we set out to find the church so we could see just how far away from us it was. We could also see what time their service started on Sunday evening.  Well, we could not find this church.  The town it was in was very close to ours but we couldn't find the street.  So we stopped at the fire department.  They ought to know, right?  It turned out to be Devine leading cause the Chief and two other firemen went to this church.  They told us everything we needed to know.
Sunday morning we went to our own church and when the service was over, Glen and I felt like we needed to join.  So we did. We never returned. God was having no part of it.  He had a plan for us to become members at this little church called Victory that we had spent all day looking for on Saturday. The minute we walked in the doors we were made to feel at home and after we heard the message, we were sold.  The Pastor had a great sense of humor and when we joined the church he leaned over and said, "Now you will be back tonight, right?"
My sister and her husband never came and taught there.  It was just God's way of using them to get us to the right place. Under the the teaching of Pastor Taylor, Glen and I grew and grew in the Lord.  We learned so much about God's Word. Things we had never heard before.  See, Pastor Taylor taught the whole Bible.  He didn't leave out what might offend some of his members.
Glen and I had torn the fence down. No more straddling, no more hanging on, no more running back to it. Our course has been set and we only wanted to grow stronger and stronger in our faith from this point on. Do we fall, do we make mistakes, do we sin?  Of course we do.   But we are sinners saved by grace.  We are washed in the blood of Christ.  Clean, clean, clean.  Hallelujah! Our years at Victory Baptist will never be forgotten.  We made lifelong friendships there.  It truly was a church family and we still love them all. 

Where Did 35 Years Go?

Tomorrow is our 35th wedding anniversary.  It doesn't seem possible until I start thinking about all the things we've done and the places we've been, all the trials we've weathered and all the blessings we've received. 

We have moved twelve times and lived in three states. We have owned three homes, two of them we built.

We have lived at the 9th hole of a golf course, on a crystal clear lake, out in the country, in the middle of the city and on the top of a mountain. 

We have seen all of our children marry but one and we have had one of them graduate from college debt free. 

We've been in and out of work and have lost a home to the bank because of it. 

Glen's parents are no longer with us and his only brother was buried on Glen's 50th birthday. 

Our youngest child survived a life-threatening stomach condition only to be shot 25 years later by a mugger. He survived that too, thank the Lord. 

We have seen many of our friends and family struggle with illness and several we have lost.

We prayed through the tractor accident my dad had and my mom's breast cancer.

We have traveled all over this country.  

There are lifelong friends that we have met along our journey and each one has enriched our lives more then they will ever know. 

We have seen some of our own children experience the heartache of divorce. 

We have watched what post polio can do and how much it wants to rob from me.

So how does a marriage endure all the valleys of life?  Well, as you know, I am no expert! 

What I do know is that I have had wonderful examples of marriage in my life time and so has Glen.

We know a good marriage needs the Lord.  

A quote from the preacher at our wedding was "May you always remember that love and loyalty will avail as the foundation of a happy and enduring home. No other human ties are more tender, no other vows more sacred then those you now assume.  If these solemn vows are kept unimpaired; if steadfastly you seek to do the will of your Heavenly Father, your life will be full of joy and the home which you are establishing will abide in peace.

Love is the key. Love to show your feelings and to save time for each other no matter what demands are made upon your day.  See the meaning of life through the changing prism of your love; to nurture each other to fullness and wholeness and in learning to love each other more deeply, learn to love the creation in which this mystery of your love has happened."

Glen and I are so very blessed to have each other and God has really worked in our lives as you will see as I continue to share our story with you in the up coming months. 

Up until 12 years ago, I had severe migraine headaches.  That, along with the pain in my legs and hips from the polio, I would spend many nights, bed surfing.  That's when you go from one bed to the couch to the chair to another bed, if you have one, and back to the couch.  

My husband loves to write and is very good at it, by the way.  He is forever leaving me little notes.  Here is a note he left me 30 years ago after one of those nights that I had been bed surfing.

"I had this dream about a beautiful valley that could be seen from the rim of a mountain bluff.  In the valley was a small settlement with very friendly people. There was wild game, lakes and beautiful sunsets. The air was clean and fresh.  A slight aroma of wild honeysuckle and jasmine drifted on a gentle breeze.  Everything was calling of contentment.  I reached out to you to escort you to this place with me, but my hands came back empty.  The shock of fright caused me to awaken.  You were gone.  I knew you were in the other room. I felt better because you were near and my fright went away.  I am still content because you are still near. I don't need the mountains, I don't need the valley, I don't need the sunsets but I do need you"

Did God give Glen a glimpse into the future through a dream 30 years ago.  I can't answer that but I do know He gives us the desires of our heart.  So we have that mountain looking down on that small settlement full of friendly people.  We have the aroma of honeysuckle and jasmine drifting on a gentle breeze.  We have beautiful sunsets but most of all we have each other and our Heavenly Father.  That's all we really need.

Looks Can Be Deceiving.

We were so blessed to have a sweet little 3 bedroom, 2 bath house to move into in Florida with a beautiful swimming pool.  It was the most beautiful pool I have ever seen, even to this day.  It was called a black water pool.  It actually looked like a lagoon with a flagstone deck.  We spent most of our time out there.  Clay was afraid of the water when we first moved in.  We couldn't get him off the first step but with a little coaxing from one of his kindergarten friends, he soon became a little fish.  Soon he would be standing on a boogie board, surfing the waves of New Smyrna Beach at the age of four. Now he is a very accomplished surfer with sand in his shoes.  It will be very difficult to ever get him too far from the beach.
Looks can be so deceiving, cant they? Prior to our move into this lovely rental home, three bachelors lived there.  They didn't want to pay for garbage pick up so they had a two wheel trailer next to the house where they threw all the garbage and then hauled it to the dump when it was full.  We wanted to make sure that had been done before we moved in.
I had been staying at my friends for two weeks. Glen put the boys on a plane and then he and his friend Jim drove down with our belongings.  The boys and I went over to the house to clean before they arrived.  I remember there was a little lizard in one of the bedrooms.  It freaked me out.  I gave the boys the broom and shut the door of the bedroom and told them to catch it or kill it but don't come out till you do.  They thought that was great fun.  They loved being mommy's little hero's.  After thirteen years in Florida, lizards don't bother me in the least.  They didn't change, I did.  I just got used to them.
As soon as the guys got there we began to set up housekeeping.  We had only brought our bedroom set and had planned to pick up some used furniture for the boys as soon as we could.  In the meantime they were on sleeping bags in their rooms.   It was our second night in the house and we were all asleep.  Suddenly Glen flips on the bedroom light.  "What are you doing?" I asked.  "You don't want to know", he said.  Then he proceeded to tell me.  He was right, I didn't want to know. He had felt something on his leg.  When he moved, it jumped down to the floor.  When he investigated, it turned out to be a rat. It had come through a hole behind the toilet.  Well I was up for the night.  I told him to shut the boys bedroom doors and the lights stayed on.
It seems the rats were hanging out in the trailer full of garbage and when they moved it away, they moved into the attic of our house looking for food.  They found every hole in the house.  We fought them for weeks.  Every time we thought we had all the holes blocked, they came in another.  Behind every sink, every toilet and behind the stove. We put out poison and now they where dying in the walls and we were finding them in the pool, bathtub and the hot tub looking for water.   I will never forget this time in our lives.  I use to be afraid of a little mouse but after this, I would have been relieved to have a mouse.
That reminds me of how we become so accustomed to things that go on in our world that are so very sinful and we become desensitized to it because it's in our face all the time.  Suddenly we say, "It doesn't bother me anymore" or "That's not so bad. At least they're not doing this or doing that".  We keep letting Satan have this victory.  We need to stand up against the rats of this world anyway we can.
Remember the lizard?  I thought he was an awful thing and wanted it killed or out of my house.  But then I was around them so much that they didn't bother me anymore.  I was glad to see one in the house because they ate insects. Immorality is like that.  Kill it, don't let it in the house but then because it's in the media and around every where we look, in our face constantly, we've become use to it.  Our nation is in trouble, our children are struggling.  We need to pray!

Southbound

I am sure all of you are aware of how your life can change in an instant by such things as a visitor or a phone call.  Sometimes it is tragic and sometimes it is exciting.  

A few years after I began working for Ozark they opened a new Reservation Office in Orlando, Florida on the Disney Lake Buena Vista property.  As I would make my way from the employee parking lot into the the airport in the middle of winter, I would dream of working in Orlando.  Many times I would slip in the snow or just get blown over from the wind coming off the the runway.  But the Orlando jobs were sought after and the office there was small so with my low seniority, it remained just a dream.  One of my best friends at work had transferred down there and so we took the boys to Disney and went to visit Vicki for a few days. 

I remember in the early 80's both my brothers lived in other states.  Rod was in Texas with his family, Randy was in Kansas City, Mo. with his and my little sister was about to get married and move to Pennsylvania with her new husband. We would joke around with mom and dad about us being the only ones left near by. 

It was the night of my sister Mindy's rehearsal and dinner.  I had forgotten my camera at mom and dad's so I sent Glen back to their house to get it.  While he was there the phone rang.  It was my friend Vicki and she said "Tell Cyndi to pack her bags.  She is being transferred to Orlando and has two weeks to report to work."

A few months before this, Glen had been laid off from Caterpillar along with thousands of others and no one would hire him.  Everyone in that area knew if Caterpillar called you back you would go but the chances of getting called back were slim to none.  So the timing could not have been better for that reason.  All I could think about was how I was going to tell my parents that we were leaving too.  It was hard to get too excited.  The fact that we could fly home and they could fly down helped to cushion the news a little. 

God is always in control and He had a plan for us and it involved us being in Florida.  It's amazing how He perfectly orchestrates our lives if we let Him. We wouldn't be here in this sweet little house with a million dollar view on a mountain in Tennessee if He had it not moved us to Florida first.  So my advice for you today is to let go and let God.  He has a mountain top for you too.

 

Come Fly With Me

Working for Ozark Airlines was a blessing, a joy and afforded our family many opportunities we would not have had and it would change our life forever.
An airline job was a union job, at least in the 70's and 80's.  I saw many pro's and con's about working for a union in the time I was there but they were mostly pro's: great pay, flying privileges and good insurance, just to name a few.  Your shift, your days off and your vacations were all decided by seniority in the company.  Being low woman on the totem pole, I was working 4 to midnight with Tuesday and Wednesday off.  This actually worked out rather well with our family.
On Glen's 40th birthday I had ordered him a new suit because whenever we flew he was required to wear one.  It was the morning of his birthday and he asked what we were going to do today.  I told him we were going out for lunch and he would need to wear his new suit.  "Wow, where we eating?" he asked.   "Denver", I replied, and that's exactly what we did.  We drove to the airport, boarded a plane for Denver, had breakfast on the plane, landed in Denver, rented a car, drove to lunch, drove back to the airport, boarded the same plane we were on that morning with the same crew and flew back to Peoria.  It was a memorable birthday for both of us.
Earlier that same year our reservation office had received information that United Airlines was hosting a Women's Softball Tournament for all of the airline reservation offices in the United States.  All expenses were paid and it would be for four days in Hawaii.  Well we didn't have a softball team but we were about to get one.  I began to help organize a team and became the team manager.  Glen and a few of the other husbands  started coaching.  Our practices were hilarious.  Talk about The Bad News Bears!!  Nobody could catch however we did have a couple good pitchers. Fielding a ball....forget about it!  But we worked and worked.  None of us were too concerned because we knew the sooner we lost two games, the more free time we would have to play in Hawaii.
Soon it was time to go.  We flew out of Chicago on a direct flight.  We played ball the next morning and we won.  Trust me, no one was more surprised then us and we found out, we liked winning.  That afternoon we played again and lost.  It was double elimination so we would be playing at least one more game the next day.  We won again!!!! However, we lost our afternoon game and our time was through.  But hey, we had one more day left in Hawaii so who cares!  Well we cared.  We all cared and here's why.  There was a team from New York there who was out for blood.  They were mean and rude and only wanted one thing, to win.  No one liked them.  They had worked their way into the championship game on the last day against a little bitty airline from California.  Everyone wanted this team to lose so badly that we all showed up to cheer on the California team.  So we spent our last day in Hawaii going to a softball game.  But it payed off, California won.
United was so good to us.  Our flights, hotels, pool party and luau, breakfast and lunches were all payed for and they didn't skimp.  We had the best of everything.  So with a 4th place trophy, sunburned lips and a jelly fish sting, we were headed home.
Now when we flew to Hawaii, we all arrived on different flights and at different times.  But when we left, all the airlines were on the same United flight.  Even the mean girls.  The whole 747 was full of airline employees except for one little Japanese family which they moved up to first class.  Guess what, the mean girls weren't so mean after all.  We had a ball on that flight home.  We had made so many friends from all over the country and we all had so much in common, our jobs and our love for softball or Hawaii anyway.

What Do You See?

What do you see when you look at this picture?  I know many of you will say immediately that you see me.  In a way, you would be right but for those of you who don't know her, this is my mother.  This picture was taken when she was close to the age I am now and it has always been one of my favorites.

What I want to share with you today is what I see when I look at this picture.  I see 5'2", eyes of blue and oh what that 5'2" can do!!!!
First I see a wife of  65 years, standing by her man through thick and thin, in sickness and in health.
Next I see a daughter who loved, respected and cared for her parents in anyway she could.
I see a sister who remained devoted to her own sister till death and adores her younger brother even though some of their views are very different.
She is an aunt, great-aunt and great-great aunt who is loved by all her nieces and nephews.
Her life is full of grandchildren and great grandchildren who have many stories to tell about how she has impacted their lives.  Most of them, like myself, don't get to see her much but I guarantee you they never question her love for them.
She is a mother of four children, two boys and two girls.  Raising us was no picnic, I assure you.  We each came with our separate health issues but she encouraged us to overcome the physical challenges we were dealt.  She did everything she could to help us to grow up to be independent, responsible, loving adults.
Now let me share with you some other things about this amazing woman.
She has great inner and outer strength. She can play ball, fix a toilet, repel down the side of a mountain, paint a house, drive a forklift, shoot the rapids, ride a horse, park a trailer, fix the hand-controls on my car and beat cancer, just to name a few.
She is a nurse with no degree other then care-giver.  When I was a child she gave me many hours of physical therapy.  When my daddy had his tractor accident she had to learn how to care for him at home doing things that only a nurse should have to do. She never complained, she just did what had to be done.
She is so smart and is a hard worker.  She helped my aunt and uncle get their business started and then worked as a bookkeeper for them for many years.  Not finding it easy to retire she worked for their local Mission up until last year.
I see a wonderful friend.  Mom and Dad have many wonderful friends who I am proud to say are family because they have embraced them as one of their own.
I see a child of the King who loves her Lord Jesus with all her heart and who has done her best to serve Him  as best she could over the years.
She is classy, feminine, funny, dramatic, compassionate, talented, energetic and giving.  I could go on and on.
When I was in my 20's and 30's I thought I was a good mother.  In my 40's I began to question that and in my 50's, I had to come to the realization that I wasn't so good at it.  I think all mothers wish they could go back and change some things that we did or didn't do when we were raising our kids.  Good thing we have our adult children to tell us how, when and where we went wrong.  However, on this Mother's Day week, I want my mom to know that I love her and I am thankful for her and she did an amazing job.

Happy Mother's Day to all those who have chosen life!

That First Year

They always say your first year of marriage is the hardest.  I don't know if I agree with that although our first year was not without it's little challenges.  We were dealing with a sick baby and I couldn't work and leave him with a sitter or day care.  It was just too important that he not get any food other then his formula. Not a cookie, not a cracker, nothing. With other children around, that was an impossibility.
We had Glen's two oldest children living with us and enjoyed them very much.  Glen was working for John Deere still and I was gone for the day with the little boys.  When Glen got home there was a note from his  kids saying their mom had come to get them and take them back to Indiana.  No warning, just gone.  This was devastating for us.  Then a few days later a sheriff's car pulled up and took Glen away to jail for fleeing the state to avoid prosecution. This is a federal offence. Glen had lived in Illinois for years and had paid his child support until his X-wife called and said she wanted him to take his oldest two children.  They were in their early teens. We did not pay her support for them during this time. However, she continued to draw aid from the state of Indiana for them.  A friend of hers had told her the state was doing surprise home visits so she came and got them.  Then she told them she hadn't gotten support for some time and she didn't know where Glen was.  Glen lost his job with John Deere because of this plus spent three days in jail till I could come up with bail for a federal charge.  His sister and brother-in-law hired and paid for an attorney for him.  Naturally he was cleared and we only had to prove the kids were with us and show all expenses for them during their stay.  But what an ordeal.  This would not be our last issue over child support but God has always intervened in our behalf because we have always tried to do what's right and what God would expect of us concerning his children.
But when a window closes a door opens.  Glen would get a job with Caterpillar tractor which he loved and Caterpillar helped put us back on track financially.  Clay was finally on some food so I was itching to get back to work. So Glen put down these guidelines: 1) You need to make over $6 an hour (this was 1978) to pay for the gas. 2)You need to work a different shift then me so one of us would be with the kids at all times.
I began to pray the Lord would give me the perfect job and did He ever!!!! More then I could ever have dreamed.  I opened the Sunday paper and there was a job for Ozark Airlines Reservations. Starting salary $6.36 an hour, type 30 words a minute, 2nd shift, free travel and free insurance.  So I took the test and had the interview and Glen bought me a car on the way home from the airport.  He knew the Lord was giving me that job even though no one had said that. But a few days later they called and sure enough, I was hired.
So now we were both working in Peoria so we moved to an apartment in Eureka IL., home of Ronald Reagan University.  I worked 2nd shift and he worked 3rd shift.  Eddie was back living with us and Annette would soon follow.  Glen and I would pass each other on a country road every night about 10 miles outside of town.  We would pull over, he would run over to the car and kiss me goodnight and off we went.  We often would giggle about what the people on that road were saying about us meeting several nights a week on a back road to have a smooch.  Who knows.  But we were just a married couple in love with each other.  God has been so good to us and he was pulling, pulling, pulling me back to him. He had now seen me through a scary first year with my baby, saw Glen through this terrible arrest and handed us both the perfect job.  He was definitely getting my attention and gaining my trust.  The wrong side of that fence was getting farther and farther away.  

My Sweetheart

Glen was born in Indiana.  His dad worked in the steel mills. He had one younger brother and three sisters.  Glen joined the Navy at 17 years of age.  It's hard to believe that when he was in the Navy, I was in grade school.  I'm sure if you had told him that his future wife is eight years old, he would not have believed it.  It's funny how as you grow older your ages become closer together.  Now we both have wrinkles, aches and pains and a pill dispenser full of medication and vitamins.
Glen was saved in  bible school when he was young but he did not live for the Lord.  After we started down the friendship trail, he invited Matt and I to a picnic on a Sunday along with his oldest son Ed, who lived with him. I told Glen if he wanted to see me on Sunday he would have to see me in church.  He asked what time church started and he showed up.  He heard a great message and afterwards I couldn't wait to ask him what he thought.  He loved it!  He said the preacher stepped all over his toes but he had never heard anyone preach from the Bible like that.  He was hooked.  It wasn't long after that, he and Eddie were both baptized.  It was thrilling.
As long as I had know Glen, he played and sang country music.  He was a drummer and was asked to play for various groups in town. He was always asked to sing because he has a beautiful voice and is very talented.  He was known as "The Cowboy" because he always wore a cowboy hat.

After we were married he started his own band.  He had found some very talented young men to back him and thus Country Daze was born.  It concerned me that he was playing in clubs and bars at night but he was always ready to go to church in the morning.  I tried to keep my mouth quiet, which is rare, and let God work in his life.  That is exactly what happened.  First I saw him give up drinking, then he traded his drums for a flattop guitar.  Then finally he was so convicted about entertaining in bars and going to church on Sunday, that he quit Country Music altogether. Praise the Lord.
Now he uses his talent for the Lord singing in church.  He has been a Sunday School teacher, youth leader, speaks to men every Thursday at a camp for men with adictions and has worked in a ministry full time.

We have been married 35 years this summer and he has loved me and my boys for all of them.  He even adopted Matt and Clay. It's been a long time sense that day I found him in the living room talking to dad.  We have had many, many trials and tribulations but our devotion to each other and our family remains strong no matter what.  God has blessed our marriage more then we could ever dream and we love Him and try to serve Him to the best of our abilities.  God is so good.  How do people live without Him to give them eternal salvation, peace and strength, unconditional love, healing and joy only to name a few?  I just can't comprehend it. 

The Pact

Recently our local paper ran an article about my blog.  So let me take this opportunity to say "welcome" to all my new readers.  I pray you receive a blessing because that is what this blog is all about.
So as promised, I will tell you how Glen and I ended up together, believe me it was the farthest thing from our minds.....at first.
During the three years Gerry and I were divorced, I met a great couple by the name of Glen and Becky.  I felt an immediate connection with them and on weekends when Gerry had Matt, I would hang out with them.  Sadly, after Gerry and I remarried, I lost touch with them until one day Becky called and asked me to babysit.  I was pregnant and on bed rest so I told her she would have to bring the baby here.  She never showed up and never called me back.  It wasn't long after that, I saw their divorce in the paper.
Gerry and I were so hoping things would work out for us this time and we were doing pretty good till Firestone went on strike.  When that happened he began to slip back into his old ways.  Mom came and got Matt and I and took us to my Uncles for awhile.  It was then that I called Becky to ask what attorney she had used for her divorce and what it cost these days.  She gave me the information and we talked for awhile to catch up.  When Glen came to pick up their little boy she told him Gerry and I were getting divorced and that he should give me a call.
One day I came home to find Glen in the living room talking to my dad.  I was so surprised to see him.  He was living in a little town about 45 minutes away and he was working for John Deere. He would call me during the week or stop by on the weekend but one thing was for sure, neither one of us ever wanted to get married again and we made a pact to never do so.  We were going to be just friends and if either one of us needed a date for a Christmas party or something special, we would be there for each other.
My divorce was final that summer and so when my birthday came in October, he said he would take me out to dinner after he got off work. So I drove to his town and waited in the lobby of his apartment building for him to come home.  He never showed up, never came home.  So I got back in my car, drove home and ordered a pizza.  Now if any of you know me well, you know how special I think birthdays are.  I don't like for anyone to not have a birthday cake or a gift or something to make the day special.  That night he called and said he forgot and apologized over and over again.  My response, "It's ok, I'm not mad.  But you don't treat friends this way so you need to decide what your priorities are."
He began to spend most weekends with me and my family.  Everyone loved him, although mom was a little harder to win over.  I don't think she bought the whole "friend" thing but we were dead serious about it.  We had a pact after-all.
One night I was sitting at home at my parents and there was a knock at the door.  It was a guy that I had dated my sophomore year in high school.  He came in and visited awhile and we caught up on each other lives and then he went on his merry way. Naturally, I shared this information with Glen when we were talking about each other's week.  I never gave it another thought but apparently it got Glen to thinking, (what if some guy from her past comes in and steals her away and then I would lose my best friend?). I guess he forgot the pact.
A few weeks later he produces an engagement ring.  "I can't marry you, Glen.  We have a pact to be best friends".  He said, "Who better to marry, then your best friend."   Well, I guess he had a good point and the rest is history.  It takes quite a man to marry a paraplegic with two little boys.  And that's what he is..quite a man. I am truly blessed to have him.  

Stress

I was going to write about how I met my Glen today. But it has been such an unusual week, the Lord has laid words on my heart that I must share.
Have you ever thought about how many things have the potential to stress you out in just a day?  (Am I late, what will he say, are the kids ok, is there going to be a bad storm, will I get finished in time) to name a few. Do you allow it or do you trust God to take care of it. In one of my devotionals the writer said "Stress equals responsibility without ability."  I thought that was a great definition.  I know so many people who stress about things they can not control.  They are full of "what if's and what then's"
This week I was at work and a sweet women came in and we got to talking about where we lived on the mountain.  She was all stressed about the new coal mine that is going in on the mountain.  She seemed rather put out with me because I wasn't stressed about it.  I see the coal mine as job opportunities for people who are suffering without employment.  Will the coal trucks traveling up and down the mountain be a nuisance?  Probably, but no more then the log trucks we have now and we are all managing to get where we need to be regardless.  I told her not to stress about it, that it wasn't good for her.  She acted as if this mine was an attack on her and informed me she was not going to be a doormat!  So I prayed for peace for her in my heart as she walked out the door.
I rarely stress, but here is what can send me in a tailspin.  When someone passes on that have touched my life in someway and I question if I had witnessed enough to them.  Did I share enough of what God can do in their life.  I have stressed over this ever sense I lost my friend Gary.  Gary knew me all through the teen years and early twenties when I rode the wrong side of that fence.  Even though I tried to share with him about eternal salvation, the fact we didn't get to see each other or communicate much, it may not have been enough.
This week a young man went out into eternity that I had the pleasure of mentoring for several months three years ago. I was devastated and the first thing in my head was "Did I do or say enough?" or "Did I plant enough of a seed?"  I began to stress.   Then a good friend came to see me.  She knew I was struggling and she asked me two questions. "Did you love them?"  "Yes".  "Did you tell them the truth?" "Yes".  Then you did  what you were meant to do.
My devotional said IF I "WILL" BE GLAD ONE DAY, I "SHOULD" BE GLAD TODAY.  IF I "WILL" REJOICE, I "SHOULD" REJOICE. THE SMALL PICTURE MAY BE BLEAK BUT THE BIG PICTURE IS NOT.  So I am glad that I met him and I rejoice in the opportunity I had to spend time with him and I mourn the loss of him along with his family and the rest of this community.
So this is what I take away from this.  Share God's love and His eternal salvation to everyone you can.  If something tragic happens in their life ask yourself if you loved them and did you tell them the truth.  And worry for nothing.  Walk the walk, how you live is so important.  Remember to be glad, rejoice and let God be in control because He is anyway.  TRUST!!!!   I love you all. 

What a Joy!

I was four months pregnant when I had to leave Gerry for the last and final time.  So once again, we moved in with Mom and Dad.  This pregnancy was very different because I wasn't sick a day of it.  I enjoyed every moment to the fullest.  I still took a tumble in my last month but I fell backwards so the baby and I both came out unharmed in any way.

Clay was born in early December.  I had such an easy time but it was not to be for my little son.  He was so very sick and ended up going in for stomach surgery at six weeks.  He did pretty well after that until he was about 10 months old.  He came down with a stomach virus and there was a lot of diarrhea.  After three days, I called his Doctor.  He called in some medicine but it didn't help.  We called the office again and once again were told not to bring him in but just give him clear liquids.  Well he couldn't keep those down either.  We could see his little ribs and dark circles were forming under his eyes.  We were getting up two or three times a night to change his bed till one night we knew we had better take him to the E.R.
The doctor at the hospital remarked that he was the palest baby he had ever seen but did nothing for him.  We were told to call his doctor in the morning, which we did but still no appointment, that was on a Thursday.  
So I called another pediatric physician in town and asked if I could get my baby in.  She said, "Not till Monday."  I began to cry and told her my baby would not live till Monday.  They let me bring Clay in on Saturday morning.  The Doctor immediately admitted him to the hospital and they began pumping him full of fluid.  I had to run home for a little bit to get some things and when I came back, Clay had swelled up like a balloon. He was unrecognizable.  After a few days he was getting better so they began putting him back on formula and then a few days more, a little cereal.  Just when you thought he was on the mend he would start all over again with the vomiting and diarrhea.  I remember coming in one morning and the nurse stopped me.  "Cyndi, we have had to give Clay a blood transfusion and the only vein he had left was in the soft spot of his head so don't freak out when you see  him."  It seems he had no protein in his blood.
Well once again we thought we had him on the road to recovery only to take another trip all the way back to square one.  The doctor came in and with tears in his eyes he had to explain that he didn't know what was wrong with him or what to do for him.  Clay had been in the hospital for almost two months and his birthday was coming up.  Dr. Lee said to take him home for the day and he was going to over-night all the reports to Carle Clinic in Champaign.  So we had his one year picture made that day and then returned him back to the hospital.  Dr. Lee came in the next day very excited.  "We know what's wrong.  All the digestive cells lining his stomach have been destroyed.  We need to give them time to repair themselves so he needs to drink a predigested formula and nothing else to eat or drink.   It worked!   Four months later we were able to add soda crackers and rice cereal to his diet.  Little by little we added things until he was back to a regular diet for a toddler.
I spent many long hours on my knees for this little baby but it was all in God's plan to pull me further and further away from that fence I loved to ride so much.
Clay makes me laugh.  He is so funny and kind, athletic and smart.  He is my little surfer dude and is a talented photographer and yes, he still keeps me on my knees.
I love my sons so very much.  They are so different.  It boggles my mind how children with the same parents and grandparents can have so many different personality traits, likes and dislikes.  It just shows what a awesome God we have.  Even with the same DNA, He creates us to be one-of-a-kind. I love that.
Next time I will share with you the story of the handsome guy on the far left.  Till then...God bless.

My Little Man

As I said last time, my pregnancy was far from easy.  I was forced to quit my job very early because I spent most of my day going back and forth to the restroom.  If I said I was sick almost every 30 minutes, it would not be a stretch of the imagination at all. I ended up in the hospital from dehydration and a high fever from a kidney infection.  I was so concerned that my baby was not getting enough food because I knew I wasn't at all.  Then on my way to my last Doctor's visit I fell down two steps coming out of my apartment building. Walking on my crutches was all about balance and trust me, with a large watermelon out front, I was absolutely off balance! That baby shifted and down I went.  I threw myself to the side so my stomach wouldn't take a direct hit.  In so doing, I twisted my knee really bad. As soon as I got to the Doctor's office, he checked the heartbeat and everything seemed fine with the baby.  I was so relieved.  God was so good to protect my little package.
Two weeks early on May 27th I delivered a 7lb 11ounce baby boy by C-section.  I think he was definitely ordering food in from somewhere.  Probably explains his love for fast food.  I, however, was a whopping 76lbs after delivery.  I was so weak, they wouldn't even bring my baby to me that first day.
The next morning they brought my little Matthew Shane in for me to hold. We called him "Matty", after my grandfather.  He was so bright-eyed and aware.  Those beautiful eyes looked up to me as if to say, "Don't worry Mommy, I will take care of you."  I knew then and there that we would always be there for each other.
Our journey was a rocky one and we were going to need each other.  He probably wasn't more then 18 months old when he began to open doors for me and he instinctively knew not to run from me.  I can count on one hand the times he ever disobeyed. God certainly gives you what you need and he gave me the perfect little boy for me.  
During the three years Gerry and I were divorced things were tough.  I didn't make much money.  We qualified for food stamps but back then you had to buy your food stamps.  I think I only had enough money to buy them once but my parents fed us often and we never went hungry.
My parents were always there for Matt and I.  We would move in and out of their home several times and we were always welcome.  My little sister was always willing to let us move in and invade her space and actually we had a lot of fun sharing a room.  I pray that I would always be there for my children the way my parents have been for me.  I truly knew the unconditional love of a parent.
Matthew has so many wonderful qualities.  He has Gerry's exuberance and he looks a lot like him.  He has a huge compassion for people both young and old.  As soon as he got his driver's license he started a bus route at our church.  He would spend all day Saturday visiting people in the area, inviting them to church and offering to pick them up.  Sunday morning he would leave early with the bus driver to begin picking them up.
He graduated from college as a Bible and Missions Major.
Now he has his three beautiful daughters and he is a wonderful father.  I am so proud of him and so thankful God put him in my life.
Last night I attended our annual banquet for our local Women's Care Center where our mission is to fight for life.  It saddens me that there are so many people out there who long to have a child and so many who kill theirs.  54,000,000 and counting.   I have two babies in heaven waiting for me but God saw fit to take them from me early.  I will see them in Heaven someday.
Let me say, if you have made a wrong choice concerning a life you would have brought into this world, there is peace for you.  A peace that is beyond your understanding but it only comes through a personal relationship with Christ.  He can heal your heart and you can make a choice to see your baby again.

My Middle Name's Shane

It was November 1969.  I had just gone through the worst summer of my life.  A summer so tragic that my family never speaks of it and I rarely do unless it's to my dearest, closest friends. I wasn't feeling very good about myself and was very vulnerable.  My friend, Donna, and I had gone out to get a burger at the Steak-n-Shake (aka: The Gag).  Her friend Wanda went along for the ride and she kept going on and on about her boyfriend, Gerry, and how she was going to dump him if she saw him tonight.  We were driving through the parking lot when she spots him.  He runs up to the car to speak to her and she dumps him right there in front of us.  She says she never wants to see him again.  He looked so shocked and sad that before I knew it, I said, "I'll go out with you.  I'd love to actually."  So Donna parked the car and I got out and into Gerry's Nova.  We actually had a great time and he was very sweet.  I really couldn't understand why Wanda tossed him.  He seemed like a great catch.   We had such fun getting to know each other.  He told me that night his middle name was Shane.  Then I happened to see his driver's license and there was an "E" in the middle name spot.  So I had to guess what his real middle name was.  Eugene, no wonder he lied about it.  He hated it.
We began dating exclusively much to his mother's dismay.  I loved Gerry's family very much.  He came from a large Catholic family and I was a Baptist so that was strike number one against me.  Then his mom was uncomfortable with the fact that I was disabled.  But she learned to love me and I was very much a part of this wonderful family.
He took such good care of me.  One morning I was dreading going to work because it had snowed a lot during the night.  I had an apartment in an old house with a lot of stairs outside and I had to park on the street.  Going down the stairs and out to the car on crutches would be tricky plus scraping my car windows on top of that. When I walked out the front door there was a path shoveled all the way to my car and the windows were scraped clean.  He had done that on his way to work and he would continue to do that for me every morning after that.
In April of 1970 we were hit my a drunk driver while coming home from a wedding.  Gerry and I both had concussions but other then that, we were fine, however, my Mustang was toast. Shortly after that we decided we wanted to get married.  Something about going through that accident and surviving it bonded us in some way.  I did not feel comfortable turning Catholic so we eloped to Michigan.  My family knew but it was a shock to his.
Gerry wanted to have a baby right away.  After three months, I think he thought maybe I wasn't able to have children.  That fall we found ourselves expecting but something happened after that.  Now that I was pregnant it was like he didn't want to be around me any more.  I was very, very ill for five months so maybe he couldn't deal with all the throwing up but I rarely saw him.  I kept thinking after the baby came it would be better but it wasn't.  We would separate, reconcile, divorce for 3 years, reconcile, have another baby and divorce again.
Obviously I have left a great deal out of this part of my life but this blog is all about blessings.  So even though our relationship was very rocky, God gave us two of my biggest blessings.  Our two sons, Matthew Shane and Clayton Andrew. I love them very much and they have blessed me with four precious granddaughters.
God is so good to me in spite of my failures, weaknesses and my sin.  His grace is sufficient.

CHOICES

We make so many choices in a day. Whether to get up or stay down, stay in or go out, do good or be bad, love or to hate, worry or trust, be happy or sad and to emotionally hurt or to heal.  You can't sit on that fence for very long.  Sooner or later you have to get down on one side or the other.  Sometimes the side you get down on doesn't work for you so you climb over to the other side.
I went to a Ladies Retreat a few years ago because the speaker was someone I greatly admired and respected.  I had been going through some things about this same time that were really making me sad and my heart hurt and then I heard a life altering talk on Choices.  She said when someone hurts you, choose not to let them.  Whoa, what? I can choose not to be hurt?  Guess what? It works.  However, you can't do it on your own.  This sort of situation must be bathed, showered and scrubbed in prayer. Let me tell you, IT IS NOT EASY.
Are you choosing to worry?  The opposite of worry is trust.  So here is your choice.  Are you going to worry or trust God.  You can't sit on the fence, it's one side or the other.  Is the worry side working for you, if not, crossover to the other side and try trusting God with your whole heart. He will not fail making the right choice for you.
I wish I had know this when I was fourteen.  What those girls said that day was not an attack at me.  It was something said in anger and I chose to let it hurt me.  They didn't pull away from me, I pulled away from them.
I have attended the last couple high school reunions and let me say that I was welcomed and made to feel very accepted and loved by my fellow classmates.  I now keep in touch with many of them and I have grown to love them very much.  This last reunion we had in 2009 was so much fun.  I laughed so hard that night.  I treasure a picture taken by the photographer of all of us girls.  All that time I wasted can never be restored   but I am so thankful for new days and second chances to make the right choice.
So how about you?  Have you chosen to be hurt, worry or even hold a grudge.  You never want to have regrets so make that right choice today. I can tell you from experience, it is soooooo worth it!

The Teen Years

It's been a few weeks sense I've written, well not really because I have deleted everything I've written sense then.  I'm just not sure where to go from here.  I know my last text had a very different tone then what you usually here from me but my life has had it's share of hurts and heartaches like anyone else.  I've had difficulty deciding what to share and what not to share.
My blog is all about my life and the people who have touched it but some of those people came during darker times and some of them touched my life in different ways.
I guess the next chapter would take place in high school.  After my eighth grade year, I was a little lost when I got to University High.  I wasn't really sure where I belonged or what group I would fit into.  I still carried the hurt from some of the girls in my class so I separated myself from them as much as possible.  There were a few girls in my freshman class (Karen and Sally) who were really nice to me but I felt like I didn't fit in much at all.  I guess I didn't trust their kindness toward me so I sought out friendship from the guys and became just one of the boys.  My best friend was a boy by the name of Gary.  He was closer then a brother to me.  I could have spent every day with him and not be bored.  I loved him very much but it wasn't a romantic kind of love.  We would talk about dating once-in-awhile but it was too big a risk to take.  At our age, there are break ups and heart's broken.  We never wanted to lose our relationship or take the chance of breaking each others heart.  But unfortunately, neither one of our future mates would understand our bond and we quit all communication between each other out of love and respect of our spouses feelings.  It was very sad and I missed him very much.  He died a few years ago and I never got to tell him goodbye.  I just pray I will see him again someday.
My junior year I met Sue, (who was nicknamed Sam) in bookkeeping class.  We became lifelong friends.  She lives in Florida now and I had the pleasure of taking my grandgirlies and my son down to see her last year.  She was from the children's home in town and sort of became a member of our family.  We had our first children within months of each other and would always have each other's back, no matter what.
One night Sue and I went over to the college to hang out at the snack bar.  There was usually a dance upstairs on Saturday night and most of the high school kids in town would go there. There was no drinking there so we were not carded, it was easy to get in. This particular Saturday, she was dancing and I was sitting on a couch in the lobby listening to the music.  A very tall, handsome young man came and sat beside me.  He was a Senior at my rival high school. He spent the entire evening talking to me.  When it was time to go home, he jumped on his motorcycle and followed me home so he could make sure I got there safely.  We began to date after that and he became my first love.  He always treated me with such kindness and respect.  He was well over six feet tall and towered above me so I always felt very protected.  I was finally getting to a place where I could trust someone and their feelings for me.  He took me to the Prom and then my senior year he joined the Marines.  We wrote non-stop and I could hardly wait for him to get home from boot camp. However, when he came home he was a little different and it crushed me.  I guess it was all that Marine training, but he had this huge chip on his shoulder and dared anyone to knock it off. Several people advised me that it would wear off and it did.  By his next leave, which was the February before graduation, he was his old sweet self.
It was our plan that as soon as graduation was over, I would fly to California and we would be married.  This was not God'd plan for us and He intervened.  Although this was very difficult for us at the time, I know God  does what's best for me.  It's been a difficult lesson to learn and it has taken decades.
The next ten to fifteen years are those that I wish I could go back and change. My wrong decisions, bad choices and low self-esteem would set me up for physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse.  But, through it all, God would never let go of my hand, even though I had let go of His.

Words Can Change A Life

The Bible has hundreds of references on the tongue and the impact of words that come out of our mouth.  They are so very powerful in both positive and negative ways.
I would say if I had to pick a favorite school year, it would have been the eighth grade.  I knew my classmates well, I had the best teacher in the world, Mr. Kennedy, and my first honest to goodness, hand holding boyfriend.  Life was good.  I had so much fun that year.  Mr. Kennedy put our classroom in the shape of a U and he would stand in the middle or walk around with his big ole' intimidating yard stick and tell us all about the Korean War.  He would encourage discussions about anything we wanted to discuss.
So at a time in my life when I loved everyone and everything, when I didn't realize that there was anything different about me other then the fact that I walked with braces, I was given a dose of life that I had not ever experienced before.
Remember that I had been mainstreamed into a regular classroom 4 years before and had been with these same kids every year sense then.  The school for Special Ed children was attached to ours and each school had their own playground.  A couple of the girls in my class had started a dodge-ball game on the Special Ed playground and they were asked to move their game to their own playground.  One of the girls was really upset and when we got back to class a discussion broke out about why "those" kids got to come into our school and onto our playground anytime they wanted but we weren't allowed to go into theirs. It was like I wasn't even there.  I was one of "those" kids she was talking about but I felt more like a part of these kids.  It was devastating to me.  Huge tears streamed down my face as I took on the whole weight of the little school for disabled children next door upon my shoulders.  Several of my close friends began to stick up for those like me but it was too late.  For the first time in my life, I felt less then them, not as good as them and most of all I felt different.   Mr. Kennedy kept me after class and tried to cheer me up and repair some of the damage but I would forever be changed.  I no longer felt accepted.
A few weeks after school let out for the summer my boyfriend dumped me for another girl.  His reason was that I wasn't what he needed in a relationship, if you get my drift.  He just wanted to be friends.  Another shot to my world.  Someone letting me know, I was not good enough.  He was actually saying I was too good but that is not what I heard.   So, if it was a friend he wanted, a friend I would be. These two instances along with a strong will to be independent led me on a downhill spiral.  I would, from that time on, be determined to be whatever you wanted me to be as long as you liked me and wanted me.  I did not ever want to experience rejection again.  The fallout from that was not pretty. I became a doormat for many because I was too afraid to argue or disagree.  All I ever wanted was just to be accepted. You just can't be everything to everyone.  I am still learning that lesson.
But you know they say that what makes you weak makes you strong, or something like that.  I now had a determination to succeed.  I was out to prove that the kid from the other playground could be the best employee a company would ever have.  I felt responsible to pave the way for all those physically challenged people who would come behind me.
I wanted to have a successful marriage and bare children.  I failed at the marriage thing at first but now have been married for 34 years.  I have two wonderful sons and four beautiful granddaughters plus bonus children and grandchildren.
I try so hard to choose my words carefully and weigh each one and the affect they will have but I am sad to say that I have hurt people with my words.  I know those girls in my class probably never meant to hurt me or alter my world in anyway, but that is just my point.  The words came out never to be taken back.  I heard them.
So use your words for good.  They are just as powerful when they're positive. Words of truth and love, encouragement and thankfulness.  Use your words to bless others.  I know you have all blessed me with your kind words of encouragement regarding this blog.  You're the reason I continue.  I am thankful for you.

 

Miracles

How does a miracle happen?  Well other then the miracle of creation, it most always follows prayer.  Now it might be a short prayer that God answers right away or it might be a prayer that is prayed everyday, without fail, for years and years.
When I had polio, the doctors said I would never walk again, even with the aid of braces and crutches.  They said my core muscles were not strong enough.  As many of you know, God answered prayer and allowed me to do just that.  I was told I would never be able to have a baby.  God gave me two healthy boys and with His help and grace, I carried them full term.
I have seen many answered prayers in my life.  I can't wait to share some of them with you.  One thing I have learned is that God always answers.  Sometimes the answer is "No" but many times it is "Wait".  I think the reason is because we learn more by waiting.  Our faith grows stronger and we realize that this particular thing is not going to happen without Him.   God needs to be given the glory and He wants to make sure we and others see that it's through Him that miracles happen.
This week I saw two miracles.  A close friend of ours younger brother was stricken with cancer last year.   He had several tumors throughout his body and one was on his spine.  A very aggressive chemo treatment schedule was put in place and I am very thankful to say he is tumor free today.  We will continue to pray for him, that God will strengthen him and help him to walk again on his own.  We also want God to kill all cancer cells and pray that there will be no new tumors in his future.  I know this is a tall order but nothing is too big for God.
We also saw a prodigal child come home after twenty years.  Her parents, family and friends have prayed faithfully that she would return one day so that they could welcome her with open arms.  This week God brought about a miracle in His time and this child has come home and that family has been restored.
So I say to you today, whatever it is you're praying for, wait and keep praying.  God is at work and He assuredly has a plan.  If your praying for a loved one who has gone astray or someone who needs the Lord or maybe it's for healing for yourself or someone else, keep praying in faith believing.   His ways are not our ways and we must be open to His will and have the faith that He knows what is best for His children. God makes no mistakes and He sees the future when we cannot.  Trust His ways.
My oldest son had a verse to learn for kindergarten graduation.  I Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing". He would try so hard to say Thessalonians correctly that he would nod his head forward to say it and when he did, his hat would fall off.  He would pick it up, put it back on and start over. We went through this process three times and finally his teacher said, "Just say the verse, honey."  I thought he would never actually get to the verse.  But he made it and you will too. So just keep praying my friends.  That's what I'm going to do.

The In's And Out's of 2012

I have contemplated for three days, what words of wisdom I could give you for 2012.   For some 2011 was a year that you can say that you're glad it's over.  Last year I fell and broke my foot.  I don't notice the progression of this post polio thing until something like that happens and I have to realize that here is one more thing I am not able to do anymore.  But other then that it was a year full of blessings. I got to meet one of the people I respect and admire most. I spent a few days with my sister and my parents. I went to a Joni & Friends retreat and a retreat in NC to see my friend Mina.  God also blessed me with a new van and power wheelchair and He gave me a new job.   Most of all, he continues to bless me with a wonderful family and friends.  That is what I am most grateful for.  When I look ahead to 2012, I know there will be trials but here is what I know for sure, God will go before me and see me through whatever it is and I will be a better, stronger person because of it.
Yesterday I heard a wonderful message on "A Year Of New Beginnings".  It was about what I should leave out in 2012 and what I should put in.
Leave burdens behind.  If we could just learn to give everything over to God and then leave it there, we would have so much more peace. We are so prone to give God control and then take it back. Leave it with Him. Remember that nothing happens to you that has not been filtered through His nail-scarred hands.  He knows the outcome and you can trust that He has your best interest at heart. I look forward to sharing with you some of the ways God has done this for me in my life, once I let go.
Leave behind any resentments.  Resentment leads to bitterness and unforgiveness and this is not healthy.
Leave your failures behind. God is not through with you yet so just hang in there and keep trying and learn from your mistakes.  Grab hold of the future and right now that is 2012.

So what do I need to add in to 2012? I want to have a consuming passion to know Jesus.  To spend more time with Him in prayer and in His Word.  I need to do be passionate about this and not do it out of a sense of duty.
I want to have an overflowing love for others.  I love people, I really do.  When the Doctors told me I shouldn't work anymore, I tried it.  But I couldn't stand not being around other people.  So I went back to work part-time.  Staying home alone everyday was unhealthy for me. But do I have an overflowing love?
Do I have a right relationship with Jesus Christ?  Yes, I'm saved and on my way to heaven.  I know that with out a shadow of doubt.  But am I giving my all?  He did, He gave His all for me on the cross.  So am I worshiping Him as I should?
So here is my resolution for 2012.  I want to be a better child of God then I was last year.  Someday I will stand (yahoo) before Him and I want Him to be able to say, "Well done my good and faithful servant"